Blast from the Past

you ever think about those people that you knew in high school and middle school? those people that for no real reason you loved. you wanted to be around them forever? i was thinking about one of those people today and it occured to me to try and find him. i mean we have the all powerful internet here so why not?

and i thought it would make me sad to see what he's grown up into and that i'd miss him all the more. but i did find him. and he's still that person i knew, all those years ago. he hasn't grown up. he's still angry, confused, obscene, and a kid.

and then i thought about what it would be like for him, if he thought about finding me. i'm not the same person. i'm 22, living in tokyo with friends that speak all sorts of languages, about to graduate college, prettier than i was then and more of an adult. would he even recognize me?

would he look at my profile and realiize that my life continued after him, in a way that his didn't. he hasn't gone anywhere. but i have. look at how far i've come! the things i did then that were so stupid and selfish and i had a angry side myself. now i don't.

i am not the little child that clug to my mother's pant leg and bullied others when my heart hurt. i am not the young girl that cried out of lonliness but never tried to make friends. not that person that locked herself up in her room and hated others for not doing the same.

i'm a young woman that believes in putting others first, trying when it hurts, loving when it seems futile, hoping when others doubt, and doing my best not to lose courage in chasing my dreams. someone that sees beauty in the small things in life, even in myself and even when it's hard. someone that wants to be a good person. someone that wants to truly understand and ease the pain of those around her.

i guess i'm not a kid anymore. i don't quite know when or how it happened but i know that i wouldn't be this person if it wasn't for my wonderful family and friends that supported me and helped me at every turn. i love you. thanks for this.

me