Thanks Mom

Thanks mom, those dream interpretations were suprisingly insightful and accurate. and to say take care of yourself is something more along the lines of, ah-nah-tah no men-doh oh me-teh, or in japanese あなたの面倒を見て．anyhow, it's not really important. i love you, thanks.

so yesterday, since it was still a holiday, i decided to go out for dinner to this bento place nearby. because the dorm has no meals on holidays and i ran out of curry. not the point.

but when i got to the bento place it was closed and so i decided to just walk around for a bit because i still felt kinda wierd. then i decided to go to shibuya because i just couldn't bear going home to be alone again. instead, i wanted to be around people. so i went to shibuya and realized that i left my phone at home, so even if i wanted to i couldn't invite anyone out for dinner. and that i would inevitably be eating alone.

but as i was walking around i saw these two homeless men sleeping on a side street. and it wass cold and one of the men looked up at me and i felt bad. what right did i have to worry about petty things? so i asked him if he was hungry and then i bought them both some food. nothing much, but i know that at leasst someone helped them tonight. and i felt good after that. i felt really good, like for once i was the nice person that i try to make people believe i am.

and anyhow, when i did eventually go home i did study. for about the first time i can remember, i really put my best into studying. i'm not that good at it but i was surprised how much just trying made me feel better. like maybe i'm not a hopeless idiot afterall. and i think, if i really tried this next term, and studied everyday like we're supposed to. i think i could pass every exam. i know i can. i just have to keep trying.

but anyhow, i just wanted to let you know, since my last post was kinda mope-ish that i do feel better. and i think i'm gonna continue to feel better. but it's 6am, one hour until breakfast starts and it's been days since i ate breakfast. so i don't know if i want to sleep or stay awake a little longer.

and something else occured to me too. right now, i might be a little wierd and missing who i was and not sure of what i'm doing but soon just think of how amazing i'll be! a smaller, smarter, confident person with a job and wonderful japanese skills! i can't wait.

i love you, you know i do. Oyasuminasai! Goodnight!
me