Christmas

I was thinking about christmas and realizing that i should really only ask for cash, for those who can spare it, but then it occured to me that the best time for me to work is this holiday season because i won't have much else to do, since everyone i know is going back to america and korea. well, my students will still be here but i imagine it'll still get pretty boring around here.

and so.....anyhow.....if anyone is feeling particularly generous, because no one has to, but if they were, they might want to all pitch in a little and get me an xbox360 and Fable 2 the game.

I really really really want it. and feel free to say no because this whole japan thing is expensive enough, but if someone were to feel particularly generous, that is what i would want.

and i should remind everyone that my address will change soon because at the end of this semester, 4 short weeks from now, i will have to change dorms. so sending me anything to arrive on christmas is kinda a bad idea. but from the 20th on should be okay. because i'll have moved to my new place by then i think.

anyhow, i'll post the new address when i know it. but tonight i gotta pack.

we have our overnight trip tomorrow and i've been kinda sickly so i need my rest if i'm gonna get up at 5am. LOVE YOU!!!!
me

Update

So i've sort of figured out this whole pounds to kilos thing and i wanted to let everyone know that they were both right and wrong. Everyone said i was gonna lose a ton of wieght when i got to japan. not so.

i have lost only 5 pounds in a month but dropped 2 inches from almost everywhere, except my calves, man i look like a biker or a tri-athelete or just someone with massive calves. well, maybe they were always big but now it's really noticeble since my thighs are smaller. oh well. it's a start i guess.

and i went to harajuku last night, hoping to find any type of pants close to my new size, Thank god we bought belts mom, and nothing. it was a pointless nay, dis-appointing search and the best part of it was coming home.

and i finally have my new train pass so i am no longer throwing money out the window to go back and forth for school. so yay on that front. and i am cleaning my room and maybe re-arranging it so that i can find a balance betweeen keeping it clean and livable, and making it less distracting to study in.

the reason? i failed my midterms. i'm probably going to have to do level 2 over again. and it's not because i don't get it. it's because i'm the kind moron that didn't flip the test over and look to see if there was a back side! yeah, so even if it was perfect, i still failed. i was so heartbroken over that that i almost cried right there in class.

i mean, i convinced myself that all my studying would pay off and that i would be able to do this test perfectly. and i really thought i was until they collected it and i saw the back page. i just got so mad at myself, for sitting there thinking "well that was easy." it's just, all the studying in the world can't make me less of an idiot and i'm tired of continuously failing tests for stupid mistakes that have nothing to do with the grammer i know by heart!

so, if i don't pull together and amaze everyone with the next few tests, i know for a fact i'll be kept back. and then i won't get to forth year and i won't get credit for any of this. but i have a plan, for if i get kept back. i'm going to study super hard over break and force them to bump me up. even my teachers know that i'm not failing because i don't get it, i'm one of the best students usually IN class. on tests i am the worst.

yeah so today is my i want to cry but i'm not giving up day. mark it, because the crying will probably win out later.

You might not like this

the title says it all.

okay so first i feel that i should let everyone know about my boyfriend.

Yes, he's japanese. No, he doesn't speak english. It's difficult but we're making it work.
No, he's not a student, he has a job fixing appliances in a store.
He's 33. and no, it doesn't bother me.
and he is actually the guy i picked up on the train about two weeks ago.

now, before you start in on the concerning i want you to remember one thing.
I am not Stupid.

I don't hit on every guy i meet on trains and i didn't really hit on him so much. I just smiled, then he smiled, then i felt my heart hop out of my chest and squelch across the train to stand beside him. Then we talked, then he walked me to my next train, we traded numbers, had our first date the next day, and i've been crazy for him the entire time.

The day of the date, when he called and asked where to meet and what time, as i was getting ready and even as i was talking to him i told myself that i didn't need to go, i had no reason to go and meet this stranger. but at the same time, i knew i did.

it's not love, i don't think people can fall in love at first sight. but whatever it is, it happened the moment i saw him, and every time i'm around him i feel like i could fly or do anything. and just holding hands with him, or walking down the street by his side, or seeing his face, smelling his scent. i just want more of all of it.

and he's so gentle. he's so protective and tender and sometimes he just looks at me with this expression on his face that makes me want to cry. like he's really in this too. like whatever wierd emotion is between us, he feels it too and i'm not just crazy.

i don't know.

i don't think i'm explaining it right. it's just so perfect when we're together. and when we're apart i get so lonely that i want to cry. and i can't concentrate on anything and all of my original sentences for class have him in them. and if i'm not talking about him, i'm thinking about him, or thinking about what he would say if he were with me, remembering the way my hand feels better holding his. and i've never felt so much for one person before, not like this. He makes me feel beautiful and delicate and special and adored and he makes me want to say the words i love you so much less often, so that when i say them to him it'll mean more.

because i love everyone but i've never loved anyone like him before.

god, i am crazy. i have midterms all day tomorrow but all i can think is that it's been a less than a week since i saw him last and every minute of it majorly sucked.

oh well, i can try to study. and wait until he gets off of work....
bye,
me

i should be studying

i should be, but i can't.

all day i've been thinking that i'm so lucky. this much luck just doesn't happen all of the time, it couldn't. so i've decided that it must simply be that without realizing it, i did something that earned me this much goodness. if i knew, i think i'd try doing it again.

so why am i lucky?

first, i randomly meet Hiro-omi, who is now my sweetheart and the topic of almost all my conversations and thoughts. and in a stroke of pure luck, he thinks i'm amazing too. But i don't hold his poor judgement against him. i hope it will continue.

and more luck, i had a horrible day on thursday but my teachers, my classmates, and all of the people at my school and in my life were so so so so great. Roxanna talked me down, Michiko took me to the doctors (for my feet, what else is new), and everyone was just there with hugs and support and just being there. and Hiro made all of my troubles and worries disappear.

don't think i'm being all sappy but i've never had a guy just hold me when i was sad. i've never had anyone just hold me when i'm sad but these people, i couldn't push them away. they wouldn't let me be alone to be sad. i could barely talk hiro out of cutting off of work to see me.

and i keep thinking that there is no way one person could be lucky enough to just randomly be surrounded by this many good people. and i know it's sudden but i really have never felt this way about a guy before.

it makes my heart beat faster to talk to him and it makes me sigh to be away from him. and when we're together, i don't get hungry or tired or anything. i feel like i'm electric. or on fire or something new and tingly and happy and i want more time in the day or i don't care what we're talking about as long as we're talking.

i'm trying to be careful but i find myself crazy about him already. and everyone knows i'm the least boy crazy person ever. plus, he bought me another cell phone. specifically to call him so that he can foot the bill for our talk time, not me. it's sweet but he's given me so much i'm starting to get annoyed at his wonderful-ness. not really, just envious because i wish i was that amazing.

anyhow i SHOULD be studying, so i'll try.

mommy

hey mommy, don't worry. i never get drunk drunk and i don't ever puke. so when i say i drank, i mean i had drinks not was plastered. and that dancing day, most of the stuff i drank was water because i was too cheap.

and i am still me, so automatically you know i can take care of myself no matter what. but i also have friends here, friends i help take care of and that help take care of me. i'm not in "danger" or anything. and even when they're not around me, my friends still check in on me as does my no-sense-of-humor-or-leniency dorm staff.

i know you worry because no one could possibly take as good of care of me as you and while that's true, i'm good enough at doing it on my own, even here. and it's really not as different here as it feels like when you're in america.

so i love you, but i've got another very busy day today so i've got to go. oh did i mention? today is a national holiday so no school! okay bye!

Update

that's right, sit down because this will be a long one.

okay so first, i got the packages last night mom, thanks! and the those farror thingies lasted only about four minutes. thank you mom. i love you.


so now i guess i'll start with last week.
last weeek was horrible, it was raining everyday and i always get a little sad when it rains but then i failed three tests for some random small mistakes, and it was just one of those weeks that everything was falling down around my ears, not to mention i felt sick with headaches and so on. even the people i hung out with and me got into spats and i felt alone and ugly and sick and sad and a big cumulation of nasty things. and my friend in ibaraki wanted me to visit her which is expensive and i really didn't feel like going.

so that friday, i was debating what i should do, having skipped classes because i threw up from some bad onigiri. and chloe knocked on my door and invited me out drinking. i knew if i had been sick, drinking should have been the last thing on my mind but the more i thought about it, the more it felt like that's what i needed. so i went out thinking we'd be in a small group and have a quiet get together. nope. there was about 10-13 people all together and we stayed at a club dancing the whole time for about 6 hours.

it was exactly what i needed. because i felt like i fit in and some of the boys danced like dorks like me, intentionally. and i drank and i danced and i had little japanese girls copying me! and i danced on the bar with chloe and roxanna. it was the first time i've ever had so much fun, doing anything. and the boys from KCP are amazing! they all know how to break dance or at least they really fooled me. but afterwards we went to Los Cabos, which is a little bar that Chloe and Roxana have adopted. and sobered up to the taste of nachos and buffalo wings.

(little word of warning here, never invite me to play darts, i'll hurt someone. oh and uh, no comment about that.)

then i called my ibaraki friend and told her i was up all night puking, i wasn't, i lied. and so i'm going to try to visit her next sunday, if i can, if she can. i know, i'm bad. but i couldn't. i really couldn't go and i'm glad i didn't. On saturday i went out shopping with Anne and we both cut our hair, then sunday i bummed around doing nothing.

this week passed pretty fast, i did really well on the make up tests and my teacher complimented my intonation, which is a first, then told me i need to speak more quickly. i think i did well on all the tests this week except the kanji test, which was horrible. and i still have to make up one more test next week. Another kanji one.

and on friday 10/31 was the KCP school BBQ, and i brought homemade egg salad which everyone complimented, and i brought face paint and was painting everyone's faces and having a great time and then we played games like a wierd versoin of red light/green light and red rover. when we played red rover, i got knocked to the ground so hard i thought my arm had been torn off. but it was still really fun and i didn't get a bruise.

that night i was supposed to meet abu and some other friends for a party but i called and cancelled and me and Suzanne went out for a quiet dinner and drinks in shibuya. i am so sad that she'll be leaving in December, i get along so well with her. literally, i can't think of a thing that we don't agree on we're that similar. she's awesome. and every time i'm around her i can't stop laughing.

we were coming back to shinjuku station and the train was so crowded that we were pushed up against each other, my shoulder in her shoulder and stumbling as the train jerked and swayed. but still she wouldn't stop making me laugh. and when i laugh i shake so everyone that was jammed into me was feeling me shake uncontrollably. and then i was trying to get her to be quiet so i could calm down and i called her loud/shut up in japanese and she kneed me! it didn't hurt but i still like dropped and all of the middle aged guys around us were smiling "oh those silly foreigners" and the women were glaring "oh those americans!" and it had to be the funniest most amusing train ride i've ever been on.

and yesterday was a culture class and we went to ginza (wow) and the emperor's estate(gorgeous) and the sony building(boring) and after i got gussed up because abu said he was in shibuya but my friends were going to roppongi and so i went alone. and i sort of met a guy on the train. yeah....not much more to say just yeah....

and then i met abu but the best part of my night was before the last of his friends arrived because after that they just sat around and talked about sex in japanese and inhaled everything in front of them. i'm both glad i didn't understand and slightly peeved that for 2 hours i had to sit there and listen to them with no one talking to me. it sucked. really really really really lame.

i mean i love abu and obviously he's not perfect but how can anyone be that dense? Elizabeth, i am ranting please don't tell him. and goodness, did they expect me to understand all that? and if i did, would they even have talked like that? probably not. i'm just annoyed beyond annoyed.

but i am cleaning my room and washing my clothes and loving mommy for the drink mixes and foods. and i sort of have a date tonight, i think. it's kinda wierd and i probably should have said no but it is a sunday and if all that happens is that i end up not buying my own food for once, it'll be nice.

anyhow, i'm definately not done getting the stank smell out of my room, i left the egg salad dish in my room for too long i think.

love you, you are now informed of my life so i will continue it. and post pictures soon, if i ever get this site to work.