Just a note

Yes mom i got the packages, sorry i didn't say so before. i forgot. but i got them within about seven days. and thank you!

and this is to everyone, just a note to let you know.

I took you with me when i left, kept all those last hugs for rainy days, and saved the feel of your smiles. I took them all out on the plane and admired them, showed them around my new dorm, and had them meet my friends. I wear them sometimes when i need them and hold them in my heart every time else.

I wear sara's smile when i'm happy and laughing, her hug when no one understands me, and Elizabeth's smile when i feel basically amazing. I wear mom's hug at night when i can't sleep because home seems so far away. I wear heather's hug to remind myself that i am beautiful. Joanie's hug i save for moments that i feel at peace and loved. I wear grandma's hug when i need to be wrapped up in world that's beautiful. I wear the babies hugs when i'm lonely and their smiles when i'm curious. I'm saving dad's hug for when i need to feel safe, grandpa's hug for when i need a comforting friend, and Elizabeth's hug for when some boy breaks my heart.

There are so many last laughs, hugs, kisses, smiles, touching soft baby heads, watching you think, and hearing your voice. each moment i keep with me because i know i need them. I couldn't go if i didn't have you, and wouldn't if i couldn't take you with me.

i know it seems hard, because you are more than your smiles and hugs and voice. But for now, it's what i have and i'm doing my best. but if i didn't leave enough of me behind, i'm sorry. I would give all the money in the world to be in more than one place at one time. and i know it may not make you miss me less, or make me miss you less, but i am happy.

It's more than i dreamed it would be. More like a home and less like New york. There's country-side and trees and huge birds everywhere. And beautiful people, and from the moment i came here, i have had the strangest sense of belonging. Like i'm meant to be here.

maybe not forever, maybe not even for too long, but i think right now i am where i need to be. Even if it means that i must endure the painful pieces of my heart churn from missing you. all of you. You know i love you, i know you know. so if you need a hug, call out to the wind, and one will find you again. If you need a hand, to help you along, close your eyes and take mine.

I'm here for you, always. It doesn't matter where i am and you are, i am there.
Please remember that.