yes, it's true.
getting through shinjuku station is always more of a dance than a walk because hundreds of people are filing through it at the same time as you. you have to dart and weave and spin and stop randomly. Being able to shake your hips is a blessing and i was listening to my mp3 player as i plowed my way through the crowd and suddenly i started laughing.
i was moving and stepping in time to the song i was listening to and though no one could tell, i was dancing.
and something occured to me today. i've been letting little things upset me, even today when my tmj acted up and i got a massive headache, i let it get to me. and the only remedy is to be the object of someone's attention. because i am so much a people pleaser that i will ignore the pain so they think i'm enjoying talking to them and i do it to the extent that even i forget that i'm in pain at all, until a lull comes along.
so the little thing that upset me on monday was the fact that i got a 60% on my first kanji test. the LOWEST score in my class and that was the first day i started feeling sick. today i have accepted the fact that i am getting a cold. oh well, life goes on.
and this weekend, i'm trying to find a way out of a promise i made to go and visit my friend's school festival on saturday. it's not that i don't want to go but i told her i would BEFORE i knew how much the bullet train tickets cost. and now i think she expects me to stay at a hotel, i just can't afford it. and roxana and chloe are going to los cabos (the coolest little mexican-japanese cantina) on friday and suzanne is having a welcome party from her homestay family on sunday and i want to meet them and hang with her because we're both so busy we never get the time.
but, if i don't go i know my friend will be hurt because i promised her that i would go and i'll feel bad for hurting her and i won't get another chance to see her for like a month and a half. So i really don't know what to do. and still, no one has told me how to get there, they only told me about how much it will cost.
and to be completely honest, i miss her and i do want to see her but i wish there was a way i could go for a day, or half a day or next weekend but every alternative falls through.
anyhow, it's like 8:15 pm here but i feel like i'm sick so i'm going to bed now and i'll try to get up early to finish my homework and study for the test. Oh, did i mention i had another kanji test today that i probably bombed? and tomorrow in a chapter test and grammer points count so yay. that's all i have to say, yay. and can someone send me a new brain? mine's running slow, i think the software needs some updating, maybe a kanji/japanese grammer/dictionary program?
anyhow, goodnight. love you, you know i do.
me
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2 comments:
Please, please, please take care of yourself. I worry that after your illness in Sept you will be more vulnerable, so please take care of yourself. Remember to decide what YOU want to do and then go for it, not what anyone else wants you to do. Love you lots, Mom
First off I'm gonna tell you not to worry about hurting your friends feelings. You're forgetting its Japan, just because you say yes, doesn't always mean yes. But you need to do what you think will make you happy, I know not much help right? But you know what I mean. You'll have fun with whatever you do this weekend.
Secondly (is that a word, doubt it) I'm so glad you finally got to do the whole soundtrack to your life thing, just without everyone else hearing the music. I can see you 'walking' around but really dancing lol It's kinda making me smile.
Thirdly (still a word?) if you get sick, I will kill you. I'm serious Jess, Derek isn't here to make me stop crying, so don't make me cry, cause then I'll fly over there and kick your butt! Make sure you're taking you time, and sleeping. Sleep is good!
Fourth I love you like a fat kid loves cake, like Andrew loves computers, like Vlad loves food, and like I love purple!
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