So i got up at 5am today went to work, then school, took two tests, came home and took a nap. and i woke up about 15mins, half and hr ago. it's 915 at night.
i don't really have homework tonight, i mean i have a lot i should be doing and i will do after this but something occured to me and it is that someday i will look back and regret not making more memories of my last few weeks in japan. so this is a tying up of a lot of different things. and this is how my life sits as of now.
i don't know how much i wiegh but i've started adding new holes in my belts to keep my pants up. i have "created" over half the pants i now wear by cutting them up, sewing them smaller/in shorts/ whatever. and only a few are even worth bringing back to america
i work maybe two to three days a week for about 20 an hr plus transportation but usually only for an hour a day. So really i'm making enough to pay for food, trains, and small emergencies but not enough to even support myself, so thank you mom.
my school is getting harder and in the middle of this semester i was doing really poorly. my teachers scolded me until i practically cried and they asked me what do i want by learning japanese? so i've been really trying and i've gotten 100's on most of my tests since then and really shown them that i want to pass. but it is rediculously hard. we learn maybe 15-20 kanji compounds in a day, their grammatical uses, and have a test on them the next day. so EVERYDAY i have a kanji test. and this morning i had a grammar test too which i think i did really well on, not to jinx it but i do think it was ok.
and in my level, we all had to write a play with dialogue, narators and settings and stuff like that and then we got into groups and picked te best one to perform in front of the class. my group picked mine. so we're going to be reading my totally silly play called the stupidest person in front of everyone but i can't get anyone to read with any kimochi. they are all reading like they just died of boredom. "what happened...oh my god..." and even these written and not spoken words have more emphasis than my group is using.
in my extracurricular japanese songs class, we're having a performance where i sing another solo. apparently they like-a my voice. so that's gonna be interesting cause i'm just getting over yet another cold.
i think it's funny that i like never really got sick in america except for like once a year and then i got betterr so fast but here i guess my body is still not used to these particular viruses and i don't have the right antibodies or something. i am looking forward to getting hom where i can completely understand the perscribed medcnes and i know how i'll react before i even take it.
and it'a bad but i am off the thyroid medicine, i figure i'll get it sorted in america because my life is so crazy right now. and i didn't lose the pills, i just haven't taken them for about a two week span. maybe a month.
and i got into a huge fight my my "boyfriend" about me eventually becoming muslim in which i said that i would read about it but i'm not going to make promises that are that big without thinking about them and deciding if that is really what i believe, which i'm not sure i do. okay so i don't really. but basically it got so heated and i yelled "I am not becoming a damn muslim!" in japanese of course and threw the ring he gave me at his head and left. since then i asked him how long he thinks we'll be together and he said forever and i've realized that i don't think so.
in fact he's one of the reasons that i can't wait to come home because i can't tell him that because we're fighting so much that i'm falling out of love with him and so i've just been kinda avoiding him and sticking to the phones. i haven't seen him in roughly a week but i do have to go back sometime to get the stuff i left at his house. i was supposed to go today but then i just didn't want to deal with it so i told him i had to work.
i kinda think that when i come back to america it will be so easy to just slip out of his life that it won't really hurt ither of us but he'll see that we're not so much meant to be. and i'll learn the error of saying yes to things just because i don't want to say no, not because i want to say yes.
and i have so many friends that i'm gonna miss so much and it's getting so that until i leave i will not have enough time to myself to even scratch my butt in privacy if i wanted to. everyone has ladged themselves into my schedule like rocks into my shoe. not to say it's annoying, because i am going to miss them so much but because if even one thing takes longer than i think, i lose out on something else. and everyone knows that i am not good at prioritizing people. i can't say well, i know you wanna hang out but i'm really trying to get this other person to be around cause i'll miss them more than you. i can't say that. it's just not me. and sometimes i wish i could.
for example, school ran really late one day so i missed hanging out with the most awesome friend, Kai san. and i absolutely love this boy, he's such a good friend and now i'm afraid i won't have time to meet him. not to mention that i am so busy i will have to stop sleeping in order to get all my packing done in time.
i just feel so burned out and i need a break. i need to be home with my mommy and twinny and just not be needed for at least a week. i'm glad people like me and i'm glad i am so popular but it is really killing me. i just want some time to be alone, time that isn't devoted to studying or getting the minimum requirement of sleep, or showering. i want time to sit around and watch a movie or stare aimlessly into space or just walk around, not to get somewhere but to look around.
and everyone keeps mentioning the fact that i'm leaving like i planned it to hurt them specifically. and i can't even count the number of people that have asked me not to go. finally i just started doing what mom told me to do in junior high, i say "Sorry, my mom says i have to go home. and my mom makes the rules." and leave it at that.
but the truth is right now if i had the option to stay or go home, i'd choose to go home. i guess no matter where i go, things always get too crazy for me after a while. apparently i'm too friendly, so one effect is i have too many people wanting my attention and time. i and too accomodating, so i do give up that time without a fight and usually end up spending money i don't have. and three i hate to hurt people, so i sometimes do things i don't want to do and let things get complicated in ways that a sane person would never allow.
but then i always leave and just expect the problems to work themselves out while i'm gone, which doesn't always work.
okay so that was my long long long super long about me post, i hope you all feel closer to me. if you don't, you will soon. 24th.
love you
me
6/11/09
5/23/09
You know you've been in japan too long when...
so i wasa reading this page with like a billion of these but i just copied the ones that apply to me. some arer so funny and i'll do my best to translate as many i can.
...you rush onto an escalator, and just stand there.
...you don't hesitate to put a $10 note into a vending machine.
...you start thinking can coffee tastes good.
...you see a gaijin get on the train and think "Wow, it's a gaijin!"
gaijin = foriegner
...you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.
...you don't think it unusual for a truck to play "It's a Small World" when backing up.
...you phone an English-speaking gaijin friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
...you get blasted by a political speaker truck and think "sho ga nai.."
sho ga nai= nothing i can do about it
...you develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.
...you think the best part of TV are the commercials.
...you think wet umbrellas need condoms.
to catch the water when you go inside stores so the store people don't have to clean up after you
...you have mastered the art of simultaneous bowing and hand- shaking.
...when you think it's alright to stick your head into a stranger's apartment to see if anybody's home.
...you are only slightly puzzled by "Melty Kiss."
a type of candy
...you think the meaning of a red traffic light is: "Hurry up! 10 cars now in quick succession, and then we'll think about slowing down."
...you ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
...when looking out the window and think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!"
...you think NHK is "the Japanese BBC".
...you think curry rice is food.
...when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren't surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply...?
...and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says 'thank you' after you buy a coke.
...you stand before a sign on a bridge and ponder the possible meanings of "Bridge Freezes Before Road."
....you only have 73 transparent, plastic umbrellas in your entrance because you have "donated" 27 to the JR and various taxi companies in the past few months.
...you can't have your picture taken without your fingers forming the peace sign.
...when you forget how to spell simple words like "wear"
...when you think one kind of rice tastes better than another kind.
...you get a "Nihongo ga joozu" and feel really insulted.
nihongo ga joozu = your japanese is so good
...when you think that coffee goes perfectly well with squid pizza.
...you can't read your kids the Three Little Pigs without giggling when you get the part about "Not by the hair of chinny chin chin."
chin chin = penis
...you fully understand the concept of "cuteness"
..."natsukashii" comes out of your mouth instead of "what you're saying makes me so nostalgic that I must look like one of those wide- eyed manga characters with a tear rolling out of my eye."
...you run for the Yamanote line pushing people left and right, jump on the train holding the doors open to let your bag follow you on. Because you know there will not be another one for at least a minute.
...you no longer pay any attention to what anyone does when you sit down beside them on a train.
...when you accompany your "no" by the famous waving hand-in- front-of-nose.
...when it all seems normal.
...when you write or phone home and say things like "In Japan we..."
...you find your self asking all your foreign acquaintances what their blood types are.
...you find yourself apologizing at least three times per conversation.
...you are speaking in English but all references to money come out in Japanese.
...when you stupidly wait for a kampai at a gaijin party
kanpai is the signal to start drinking
...lunch is yesterday's leftovers out of a Hello Kitty bento box.
bento box = lunch box
...when when you draw a sharp distinction between "English" and "English conversation."
...you use the "slasher hand" and continuous bowing to make your way through a crowd.
...you put eleven 10 yen coins in the vending machine before you notice it's sold out.
...it takes you three attempts to fill out a form in English correctly.
and mom, i love you. sorry i forgot your birthday. i'll make it up to you i swear.
love
me
...you rush onto an escalator, and just stand there.
...you don't hesitate to put a $10 note into a vending machine.
...you start thinking can coffee tastes good.
...you see a gaijin get on the train and think "Wow, it's a gaijin!"
gaijin = foriegner
...you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.
...you don't think it unusual for a truck to play "It's a Small World" when backing up.
...you phone an English-speaking gaijin friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
...you get blasted by a political speaker truck and think "sho ga nai.."
sho ga nai= nothing i can do about it
...you develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.
...you think the best part of TV are the commercials.
...you think wet umbrellas need condoms.
to catch the water when you go inside stores so the store people don't have to clean up after you
...you have mastered the art of simultaneous bowing and hand- shaking.
...when you think it's alright to stick your head into a stranger's apartment to see if anybody's home.
...you are only slightly puzzled by "Melty Kiss."
a type of candy
...you think the meaning of a red traffic light is: "Hurry up! 10 cars now in quick succession, and then we'll think about slowing down."
...you ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
...when looking out the window and think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!"
...you think NHK is "the Japanese BBC".
...you think curry rice is food.
...when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren't surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply...?
...and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says 'thank you' after you buy a coke.
...you stand before a sign on a bridge and ponder the possible meanings of "Bridge Freezes Before Road."
....you only have 73 transparent, plastic umbrellas in your entrance because you have "donated" 27 to the JR and various taxi companies in the past few months.
...you can't have your picture taken without your fingers forming the peace sign.
...when you forget how to spell simple words like "wear"
...when you think one kind of rice tastes better than another kind.
...you get a "Nihongo ga joozu" and feel really insulted.
nihongo ga joozu = your japanese is so good
...when you think that coffee goes perfectly well with squid pizza.
...you can't read your kids the Three Little Pigs without giggling when you get the part about "Not by the hair of chinny chin chin."
chin chin = penis
...you fully understand the concept of "cuteness"
..."natsukashii" comes out of your mouth instead of "what you're saying makes me so nostalgic that I must look like one of those wide- eyed manga characters with a tear rolling out of my eye."
...you run for the Yamanote line pushing people left and right, jump on the train holding the doors open to let your bag follow you on. Because you know there will not be another one for at least a minute.
...you no longer pay any attention to what anyone does when you sit down beside them on a train.
...when you accompany your "no" by the famous waving hand-in- front-of-nose.
...when it all seems normal.
...when you write or phone home and say things like "In Japan we..."
...you find your self asking all your foreign acquaintances what their blood types are.
...you find yourself apologizing at least three times per conversation.
...you are speaking in English but all references to money come out in Japanese.
...when you stupidly wait for a kampai at a gaijin party
kanpai is the signal to start drinking
...lunch is yesterday's leftovers out of a Hello Kitty bento box.
bento box = lunch box
...when when you draw a sharp distinction between "English" and "English conversation."
...you use the "slasher hand" and continuous bowing to make your way through a crowd.
...you put eleven 10 yen coins in the vending machine before you notice it's sold out.
...it takes you three attempts to fill out a form in English correctly.
and mom, i love you. sorry i forgot your birthday. i'll make it up to you i swear.
love
me
5/18/09
A few things
A few things i am expecting when i return to the states, just so you know
The day i arrive
taco bell on the way home from the ariport
a blockbuster video newer than two years ago
mommy homemade lasagna or deep dish dominoes pizza for dinner
and the ability to crash right inside the front door, aka bed ready
and the luxury/privilage of being able to call my friends in japan and let them know i got home safe
day 2
go to walmart and buy pants that i haven't had to take in myself or belt up
and new shoes (cuz my shoes are all kawaii sou.)
again, sleeping ability. that's important.
and going to a libaray/barnes and noble
light off my nihon de katta hanabi in the street
Week 1
gym membership, (possibly including a new swimsuit and sneakers)
the luxury of walking around houston, cuz i don't think i want to get settled back into a sedentary lifestyle
big lots and/or international market, cause i think i'll be missing some stuff
my old american cell phone or a new one
month 1
I want to look for a job OR go about and visit babies and dad. either one is good because i know money is harsh.
and from the moment i step off the plane, i reserve the right to fall asleep everytime i'm in a vehicle, use the peace sign in every picture, and do karaoke whenever/wherever i can. it's a japan thing.
and i really want to find cheap calling cards because i'll miss my friends.
and the #1 biggest thing i will be looking forward to........NOT having to carry so much coin currency with me!
and now things i'm going to miss.
1. going to the convini and buying bento
2. speaking in my bad japan-glish, aka the ability to say Dude, i'm going to benkyou like there's no manana and be understood completely. or the ability to say, Oppa, chugule? and be understood.
3. my friends/teachers/classes
4. the beauty standard (guys here are born in silk shirts with perfectly styled hair)
5. trains and bikes
6. izakaya's and shibuya clubs
7. hanami- flower viewing
8. the festivals
9. the ability of speaking english and not being understood
10. commiting faux pas and getting away with it by saying oh, well, i'm a foriegner.
11. being able to leave my dorm anywhere from 11pm to 5am and have all sorts of fun things i could do instead of sleeping
12. that things don't close here, ever. everything is 24 hr pretty much.
13. the safety, it's a really safe country
14. phone email-ing in japanese
15. the food, rice especially
16. that the food over here is so low fat
17. signs in bad english, and shirts/hats in bad english
18. weird fashion
19. harajuku and shibuya and shinjuku and ikebukuro
20. intense smells from restaurants and people staing outside yelling 'Irasshyamase!'
21. being cute cause i'm differnt. Otaku bait.
22. teaching english
23. people saying, "you sound so cool when you speak in english." "Eigo kakkouii!"
24. 1 dollar onigiri
25. the phrase 'Sou ka?' because it has really no good translation in english
26. The phrase 'Mah ne....' for the same reason as above
27. everything else
4/17/09
3/18/09
brief update
okay so this is just a brief update and i really don't know quite where to start. i feel like everything about me is changing so much that if i blinked i'd miss something too so i don't know what or how to describe what you haven't seen.
i guess i'll start with some pictures. and guess what, i didn't have to position myself to hide a double chin. for once. And i just took them here, so sorry no sights of japan. i keep forgetting my camera at home. but i'll try to remember to bring around more often.
I know, pretty right? but try living around a poulace who's average size is 0 and you'll understand why i still feel like i wiegh a billion pounds at size 12-14.
and i thought i had a job but the offer got recinded so now i'm looking for work anywhere. but the moment they hear my accent or see my face it's always the same "i'm sorry the position was just filled two seconds ago. bad luck. sorry." it's sucky but whats worse is knowing that the debtors sara's dealing with are soon going to be my problem too.
and my english is getting sucky. i don't know i'm gonna graduate with an english major when my english has gotten so bad. oh well, i'm sure it'll snap back.
and everyone over here is trying to convince me to stay, not to mention all of my korean friends keep telling me how much they adore me and then going off to jobs or colleges and never writing again. the affection train is kinda giving me whiplash.
not to mention that SOMEONE wha will remain unnamed but that i am furious with told me my REQUIRED non-make up able test was at 2:30 yesterday when really it was at 12:30. so i missed it. so again, i'm in jepardy of not passing, but this time not because i didn't study, i have been doing really well. but luck just doesn't want me to get to level 4 i guess. well, screw luck, i'm going.
and anyhow, i have hurry and go to the gym or all the good machines will be taken by the timme i get there. and yes, i have been going to the gym. i have gotten totally a lot stronger and i wasn't that much of a weakling before.
loves and hugs. miss you guys.
me
i guess i'll start with some pictures. and guess what, i didn't have to position myself to hide a double chin. for once. And i just took them here, so sorry no sights of japan. i keep forgetting my camera at home. but i'll try to remember to bring around more often.
I know, pretty right? but try living around a poulace who's average size is 0 and you'll understand why i still feel like i wiegh a billion pounds at size 12-14.
and i thought i had a job but the offer got recinded so now i'm looking for work anywhere. but the moment they hear my accent or see my face it's always the same "i'm sorry the position was just filled two seconds ago. bad luck. sorry." it's sucky but whats worse is knowing that the debtors sara's dealing with are soon going to be my problem too.
and my english is getting sucky. i don't know i'm gonna graduate with an english major when my english has gotten so bad. oh well, i'm sure it'll snap back.
and everyone over here is trying to convince me to stay, not to mention all of my korean friends keep telling me how much they adore me and then going off to jobs or colleges and never writing again. the affection train is kinda giving me whiplash.
not to mention that SOMEONE wha will remain unnamed but that i am furious with told me my REQUIRED non-make up able test was at 2:30 yesterday when really it was at 12:30. so i missed it. so again, i'm in jepardy of not passing, but this time not because i didn't study, i have been doing really well. but luck just doesn't want me to get to level 4 i guess. well, screw luck, i'm going.
and anyhow, i have hurry and go to the gym or all the good machines will be taken by the timme i get there. and yes, i have been going to the gym. i have gotten totally a lot stronger and i wasn't that much of a weakling before.
loves and hugs. miss you guys.
me
2/18/09
hey
if you have any internet suggestions, PLEASE tell me. i love you guys, not having internet it sucks.
love you. so much.
and mom, can you possibly take out of my bank of the west account and put at least 150 dollars in my debit account. i need to make a payment on my credit card and i need some money.
oh and i'm having a little dispute with my phone company and they think i made 1000 dollars worth of calls to america but everyone should know that's not true. and so i'm either gonna have to buy a prepaid phone this weekend or pay that really high bill or something. but utami san gave me the phone number of the city lawyer that helps english speakers. so i'll talk to him and then to a police box, because someone said that they might be able to help me somehow.
so i am kinda in a financial pickle and honestly i've been thinking about getting another loan, or like an extension on the one i have. mom, can you maybe call me before sunday night at 10pm my time at the latest?
i love you so much and i know what pressure you're under with the buying of a new house. i don't want to make trouble but i can't just run out of money. i'm living as little as i can but apparently breathing here is much more expensive than i could have ever imagined. plus, my credit card does have a limit.
anyhow, love you. that's it.
love you. so much.
and mom, can you possibly take out of my bank of the west account and put at least 150 dollars in my debit account. i need to make a payment on my credit card and i need some money.
oh and i'm having a little dispute with my phone company and they think i made 1000 dollars worth of calls to america but everyone should know that's not true. and so i'm either gonna have to buy a prepaid phone this weekend or pay that really high bill or something. but utami san gave me the phone number of the city lawyer that helps english speakers. so i'll talk to him and then to a police box, because someone said that they might be able to help me somehow.
so i am kinda in a financial pickle and honestly i've been thinking about getting another loan, or like an extension on the one i have. mom, can you maybe call me before sunday night at 10pm my time at the latest?
i love you so much and i know what pressure you're under with the buying of a new house. i don't want to make trouble but i can't just run out of money. i'm living as little as i can but apparently breathing here is much more expensive than i could have ever imagined. plus, my credit card does have a limit.
anyhow, love you. that's it.
2/13/09
Hi people
i haven't gotten any internet still. but i bought a screwdriver and i am planning on opening up the back of my pc to make sure the ethernet port isn't damaged.
i'm writing more frequently too. i think my head is getting fuzzy lately. but i think it's because midterms are coming up next week and i have been studying all sorts of rigorously.
oh well, i'm sleepy and thanks to kim who has let me use her internet anytime i ask for it.
love you,
miss you,
me
i'm writing more frequently too. i think my head is getting fuzzy lately. but i think it's because midterms are coming up next week and i have been studying all sorts of rigorously.
oh well, i'm sleepy and thanks to kim who has let me use her internet anytime i ask for it.
love you,
miss you,
me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
